Reflecting on my first in-person breathwork retreat
Reflecting on my first in-person breathwork retreat
Student Spotlight: Emma Uprichard
This blog post was first published here: https://medium.com/@em.uprichard/reflections-of-my-first-in-person-breathwork-retreat-aa81ee1373c9
I recently went to my first in-person breathwork session, which happened to also be my first in-person breathwork retreat. I felt compelled to try it out. I am still processing what I got out of it. But here are some of my initial thoughts.
Breathing in the North East
I recently made my way to Langley Park, a little village 4 miles outside the city of Durham in the North East of England. I had lived in Durham, as a postgraduate student and then a member of staff at the university, so it was a good excuse to go back. Having a breathwork retreat in the North East symbolised something special, something about change and hope and something I had to be part of. This is a region full of energy — literally — it comes out of a long history of coal mining that dates back to Mediaeval times right through the final pit closures of the 1960s, ’70s and finally 1980s (see timeline here: https://englandsnortheast.co.uk/nor th-east-timeline/). Just as the fall of the last coal mine tower symbolised death of a coal mining industry, this breathwork retreat symbolised to me that the area taking on a new lease of life — or at least its energetic potential is morphing — and indeed my own.
Listening breaths
Hearing and listening to other people breathing made me breathe differently. This was definitely a new set of sounds for me — like the first time you hear a new instrument and your ears are open to all the different variations of that sound. I could hear people go straight into very heavy and loud breathing and other people barely were audible. This made me feel both reassured and comforted that somehow I had been ‘doing it right’. It’s a silly thought really. I mean, we all breathe. So why was I questioning what was right or wrong? But having only ever done breathwork on Zoom and on mute, it was nonetheless reassuring to know that my own sounds were like other people’s sounds. In other words, it was reassuring that I was as human as other humans! More importantly, hearing and listening to other people’s breathing experiences made me go deeper into myself. Partly I had to, just to avoid getting so distracted by other people’s sounds; partly it somehow encouraged me to do so anyway. So, deep into myself I went and listened to what my own breaths were telling me. It was as if I had a new pair of ears. I could hear myself differently. I had no idea that hearing other people breathe would make me hear myself differently also.
Witnessing others heal was both healing and humbling
During the retreat, there were several shares that I personally gained a lot of healing from. I never expected how much I would gain from other people’s healing experiences. Hearing their pain. Hearing their stories. It was so powerful. It was as if I was witnessing some kind of spiritual-physiological-neurological instantaneous healing. Like the way the cyborg in sci-fi films instantly heals its own gashing wound and regrows itself so perfectly, so too did I witness some relatively instant deep healing. It was amazing. I can’t explain what I got from witnessing such relatively instantaneous healing — hope for myself probably. Whatever it was, I found being a witness to other people’s healing processes incredibly moving and humbling. I still feel so honoured and grateful to have been present to the beauty of deep self-healing.
Comfort blankets
I travelled to the retreat by public transport. So, I didn’t want to take a massive suitcase filled with my largest blanket. Instead, I travelled light and only took a small thin one. It was fine. It did the job. But I’m a burrower! When I create a breathing nest, I like to cover my whole body, head and all. The darker the better. I eventually pop out again because it gets so hot and stuffy — and I probably need more oxygen! But I love the feeling of being completely under the blanket. I couldn’t really do that with my little blanket. So next time, I think I’ll take three thin blankets or one big one. I was so envious of others who clearly knew the protocol already and brought pillows, huge blankets, a fold-up mattress. Basically, they took whatever worked for them. I’m going to do the same next time. We all need our own kind of comfort blankets.
More than Breathing
One of the things I really appreciated about this breathwork retreat was that it wasn’t only breathwork sessions. Two of the non-breathwork sessions I especially appreciated were on topics that I would never have thought about had I not had them introduced to me. The first was on the use of the voice in breathwork. I was reminded of the reality that the ‘breath carries your words’ and the ‘breath carries emotion’. Being conscious of the power of the voice is something I want to develop further and incorporate into my everyday life more generally. The second was to do with licensing issues around using music in breathwork sessions. I hadn’t realised that Spotify is for personal use only, so there are all kinds of issues around being able to use it for public breathwork sessions, paid or unpaid. It turns out you need a different licence if in person, on-line, recorded and sold etc. This is a very complicated area but increasingly important. The licensing around music raises particular ethical issues around how artists are recompensed for their work. I am still unsure what my own practice will be, but I like the idea of aligning my ethics to the whole breathwork practice, including the digital platform used, devices and yes, music licensing too.
Conclusion
Overall, this was a fantastic opportunity for me personally along my breathwork journey. At the beginning of the workshop, we were invited to place our intentions or visions of what we brought to the retreat. On the Friday, I put in a sprout — a seedling in soil just emerging. That’s how I felt. I am relatively new to breathwork and this was my first retreat after all. By the Sunday, I had definitely grown a few leaves and had more roots below me. The first day back home, after the retreat, I felt even more sturdy in myself. Something has shifted. I am still learning what happened and how the retreat changed me. But I know something shifted. And I am already looking forward to the next one!
About Emma
Academic curious about many things, especially complexity, methods, time and temporality, breathwork, and consciousness.
Find more about Emma on https://medium.com/@em.uprichard or follow her on Twitter @EmUprichard.