Learning to Let Go of Control
Learning to letting Go of Control
Student Spotlight: Marie Doherty
Control is such a small word but such a big concept. As I look back over my life to date, I realise I always had an issue with control. I needed to have control over everything. At home, I needed to know what was happening all the time and I had to be in charge of what was happening. At work it was the same. It is exhausting needing that control all the time. The need to be in control starts to play with your mind. There is a mistrust that creeps in – why do they not want to do it my way, does that mean they think I don’t know best?
I had myself under so so much stress. I eventually found ways to overcome the need to be in control. I began meditating and bringing mindfulness into my day. This helped a lot. I began to work with my breath and I used and still use EFT to release that need to control and I was doing very well and then my children turned into teenagers!
All hell broke loose. As they got older and more independent my control was gone completely. They went out and I didn’t know where they were all the time. I could see them making mistakes but they didn’t listen to my “expert” advice. I was really being tested. With all the work I had done and continue to do on myself, I was coping- ish but it was relentless. I seemed to have to work on it all the time and what was worse I could find myself slipping back into bad habits of old. It was as if I was searching for other places to be in control almost to prove to myself I was still necessary.
This has been one of my biggest struggles in my breathwork journey too – the need to control. I hear others talking about their experiences and I am going to have the same experiences. During some breathwork sessions I am lying just waiting for something and when it doesn’t happen I start trying to find it. It never works! I still keep trying. It is the single most difficult thing for me – letting go of control.
The place where I am learning quickest to release control is when I am facilitating breathworks. At first I watched the participants closely and had an idea in my head how it should go. I was terrified of all the things that could happen that I had no control over. I was torturing myself with what ifs. Very quickly however I found myself guiding gently and being very happy with whatever
arose. I had a security and a confidence that comes from being on the facilitator course with Breathing Space. For the first time in my life I have no issues with not being in control.
My own personal practice is still a work in progress. I am learning to let the experience happen and to trust that whatever I need to happen is exactly what is happening. Some days I still search for what I think I should happen but more and more I find myself letting go and letting the breath be in control.
About Marie
Marie is a breathwork facilitator from Ireland who is also trained in EFT, mindfulness and flower remedies. She also reads oracle cards. She loves combining all of these to help people however they need help.
When she isn’t doing any of these, she is a wife, a mum of 3 teens and a primary school teacher. With over 30 years teaching experience she has seen how life has become much more stressful and is passionate about helping people learn tools and strategies to control the stress and find calm and happiness inside.